She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
