It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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