on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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