let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
