READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
