We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
