my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How naked do you want me to be?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
