I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
