how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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