I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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