she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
