before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
