i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
