I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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