The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
