And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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