Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
