There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
