ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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