John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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