ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
