i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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