Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
