i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize