My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
