The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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