You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
