If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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