i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
