Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
