He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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