how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
