The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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