Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My pussy is not your playground.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
