just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
