you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
