oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
