Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
