I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
