Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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