the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
