I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
