Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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