You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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