This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
