it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
