when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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