what day is it and did you see me today?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
