I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
