I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
