phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
