fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
