I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
