i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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