did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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