Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
