I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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