Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
