Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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