She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
