i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
