fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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