I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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