I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I supernannyed him into submission
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
