My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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