went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
