There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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