He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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