he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
