Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
