was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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