I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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