I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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