You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
