Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
