I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize