How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
