so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
