i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize