my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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