dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
