Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
