What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
