weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
