maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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