you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
