I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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