Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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