Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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