Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
