I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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